How I managed to manage my anger and stress
Nowadays anger is as foreign to me as Mars. Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating. But I get angry and stressed out very seldom and when I do it only lasts for a few minutes before I’m back to myself again, the self you all know to be Alexandra. However it didn’t always use to be this way.
Anger and stress used to be 2 constants in my life. Always present, always a burden. As a child I grew up in a very competitive environment and I lived a very angry, stressed and frustrated family life.
As I grew up almost everything would get me angry and make me lose control. From someone cutting in front of me to my mother expressing her opinion on which jeans I should wear as an answer to my questions.
Yes, I was not the calm, patient and thoughtful person you and my clients see today. So what changed? What made me transform?
I used to be a very shy kid. The kid at the back of the class, on the last chair. I was in the shadows, invisible to everyone, just the way I liked it. But that was what I chose to show my peers. Inside I was a different person, I was a volcano ready erupt any moment. They learnt this as well.
Growing up my volcanic personality was more obvious and more difficult to control. Of course I did not know what I know now and I did not live my life like I do today. There are some things you only learn by experiencing the opposite extreme.
I don’t want to make this story too long so I will fast forward to 3-4 years ago when my anger as well as depressive inclinations peaked. No one knew what to do with or to me. Well I decided to come to the UK in the end.
I ended up living in a village where I worked 1 year until I could get my permanent work permit so I can work without restrictions. A place where I had a bus every 3-4 hours to take me to a slightly larger village.
That was the place I fell into the worst and darkest places I ever was in the past. I went into depression for months, almost 1 year actually. I cannot write here all the details.
But what I can tell you is that I used to get angry only by sitting on a bus. Angry at myself, at the world, the people around me, my friend and on everything and everyone that crossed my path.
My ways of dealing with anger were always punching a punching bag, running and trowing myself into cold water if I had any. But those actions did little to solve those feelings. I was addressing something that came from inside myself with things I found outside myself.
How can you see the light if you’ve never seen the darkness?
I always wanted to be different from my parents. They were angry all the time, at each other and not only. But how could I achieve calmness if I never knew what anger felt like?
Of course those were not my thoughts back then. I was a volcano in eruption.
Somehow that period slowly dissolved as I began to explore the English country side, walking, running, swimming in cold waters, hanging off trees and walking barefoot through rivers. Then silence replaced anger, frustration, fear and depression. Making me wonder how long will it last.
It seems like it was planned to last forever and for me to help others overcome these moments like I did.
Who I am today
Today I notice many situations which in the past would make me explode with anger. Many situations which would cause me to slip into depression again. But then don’t have the same effect on me. In some cases I am socked of how calm I feel. Is there something wrong with me or what?
The difference is that now I know how to welcome them. How instead of building resistance I just let them past, I even open the doors for them. One for them to enter and one to leave.
This is not something that can really help you is it? I will give you something more applicable then.
The #1 thing that helps me make anger or stress a matter of minutes rather than days, weeks and months
Out of all the things I learnt, I wrote and I preach there is one thing, the most important, which I emphasize to my clients every single time we work together. One basic, overlooked and underestimated but powerful habit we all take for granted.
So the #1 thing I do to achieve this calmness is…..BREATHING. Yep, the simple and powerful, yet underestimated, act of breathing.
But there’s more. It is mindful breathing not breathing for the sake of it. Which we all do all the time.
Sure I’ve now learnt so many other things I may use but I always end up going to the basics, breathing. And the more I practice and the most often I am aware of it the better I get at managing, or controlling, or letting go of these types of feeling. Leaving behind a sense of calmness and stillness, in the body and in the mind.
It’s simple really and I can easily teach you in a 30 min call, for free. I promise that if you use what I teach you in 30 min you will feel the difference in a matter of minutes, just like I do.
Here’s where you can book that call with me.